9 September 1998
Source: A Cypherpunks Archive:
http://www.inet-one.com/cypherpunks/
See related file: http://jya.com/usa-v-cej-wc.htm
[Bienfait Nutly News-Sidney, Montana]A BIENFAIT CYPHERPUNKS Distributed meeting took place early this morning via an BlackBox hookup between the South 40, in Sidney, and the CoalDust Saloon, in Bienfait. The main issue of discussion was as to whether anyone was sober enough to remember where the MadBomber In Possession Of The Last False Smile had actually placed the bomb before embarking on a middle-leg of the TruthMonger SoftTarget Tour of Planet Terra. Estevan City Police, hearing rumors of the Virtual Attack on the Saskatchewan Justice System via the MeatSpace tools commonly available to those who own no firearms and don't need no stinking badges, chose to delay a search for the bomb, in order to plan what type of news spin should be put on the event in order to maximize the justification for an increased local police budget to combat international terrorism, child pornography, drug-dealing and A HorseMan To Be Named Later. RCMP, extremely nervous about the Author's claim that HeOrShe is in possession of audio tapes documenting illegal entries into HisOrHer Bienfait home, as well as computer disks which contained confidential email between RCMP factions which discussed government liability if their plan to drive a known madman crazy enough to finally put him away turned bad, and resulted in a backlash of death and destruction, consulted the Oklahoma agents of the BATF and were reassured that the Waco and OKC tragedies had more than proved the ability of govenment to direct the public's attention in any direction that Official Authority (TM) chose to point their middle finger. A MadBomber In Possession Of The Last False Smile To Be Named Later Even Though It's Not Really Necessary, when contacted by this ReportWhore, said, "I forgot to light the fucking fuse? Really? Jesus, am I stupid!" Tim C. May, though denying his active role in the event, said nevertheless, "I told the Canadian CypherPunks that the guy was a fucking idiot and that they needed to pin a note on his jacket saying, 'Light the fuse!' before sending him or her off on a mission that I had no prior knowledge of." Adam Back, denying that he was involved up to his eyebrows and had supplied the Scotch used to shore up the MadBombers courage, while destroying enough of his brain cells to prevent him or her from success in the mission, was reported to have named Defcon ChainSaw McCullagh as the instigator of the event, which was reportedly financed by the Netly News in an effort to eliminate the stiff competition they were receiving from the Canadian Parody Press Faction of the Electronic Forgery Foundation commonly known to both of its readers as the Bienfait Nutly News. Ulf Moller and Peter Trei, two terroist InterNet forgers operating under the cover of being boring mathematicians, used each other as alibis, claiming to have been working on proving the validity of the need for legislation declaring the value of Pi to be 3.0. Kent Crispin and Blanc Weber denied involvement, claiming to have been meeting with their government handlers as part of their undercover activities in the DOJ/Micro$not Aunti TrustMonger Investigation. Weber stated flatly, "I finally got that asshole to quit mentioning my name in HisOrHer Death Threats!!! to my former employer and secret lover, BadBillyG, and now HeOrShe pulls this crap! I'm putting my panties back on..." The Canadian CypherPunks, attempting to convince the barmaids at both the South 40 and the CoalDust Saloon that several rounds of free drinks would undoubtedly jar their memories as to where, exactly, the bomb was, were heard to plead, "If it saves the life of a single child..." ~Defcon McCullagh Chainsaw]